This 5,000-Word Report From The Screaming Females Titled “If You Want To Know Why The Rest Of The Tour Was Cancelled…” Will Make You Very Glad You’re Not In A Touring Rock Band

Fantastic New Brunswick basement-rockers Screaming Females were recently on tour in the Southwest. They aren’t any more. This is why. It is incredibly long, incredibly funny, incredibly heartbreaking. Photos of four people mashed into a three-seater U-Haul. References to huevos rancheros, Burn Notice, Theory of a Deadman. Section headings like “The Third Tire.” Sentences like “I told Peter if he could fix our van by the morning, I’d give him our entire discography” and “He had a maximum of three teeth.” And so on. They probably oughta just stay home until the Siren Festival. They probably won’t. Good for them.