Doing their best to put the “mercy” in “Gramercy,” the compassionate minds of Ian Schrager’s richster (rich + hipster) haunt Gramercy Park Hotel have finally bestowed upon the 99.9999999999999999% of the five borough’s humans who don’t live in New York City’s most inclusive, snotty neighborhood a space open to them. A cyberspace.
Yes, the Gramercy Park Hotel has a blog, now. On it, you can learn about the Sean Lennon party you couldn’t get into, the Guns N’ Roses show you couldn’t get into, the Rufus Wainwright party you couldn’t get into, the Rolls Royce you can’t afford and even if you could is something you could only use to drive up to the Italian restaurant at GPH you can’t get a reservation at, and the new foodstuffs on the menus for the other restaurants you can’t get into. Which goes without mentioning that really beautiful park the neighborhood is named after. Which, unless you live in a building on the park and can somehow navigate the totalitarian red-tape set in place to deter even residents from breathing on it, you can’t get into. But that’s basically why Gramercy Park exists: to remind you that you are a peasant, and you can’t get into this beautiful park, and even if you could, you are still less than The Park itself. At least Tudor City only discriminates against cripples, kinda. And even they have wheelchair access! Kinda!
But yeah, at least we have the blog. Which is basically encouraging you to stay at Gramcery Park Hotel and maybe stand a chance at getting into any of these places, though — and this is true — DID YOU KNOW that if you stay at the Gramercy Park Hotel, they have keys to the park, on very big brass rings, which they will escort you to the park with, and then let you in. And probably watch you to make sure you don’t piss on everything. Which, in all fairness, and in the spirit of every other New Yorker who can’t get in there…you’re kind of entitled to do.