Sad Things for Lonely People: Recall Issued on Children’s Tiaras


Because the ways in which a pint-sized beauty queen’s life may be endangered seem to grow more numerous by the day, we’re particularly concerned about the news that 7,300 children’s tiaras, made in China and imported by Wilton Industries Inc. (bad, bad, bad!), have been recalled because they contain high levels of lead. Whoops-a-daisy.

If you didn’t know that lead is dangerous to young children as well as to everyone, you have no right ever even thinking about becoming a parent, much less putting your impressionable young daughter through the grueling regimen of becoming a spray-tanned, insanely coiffed, dancing and singing conduit to your dreams.

If, on the other hand, you’re a full-grown adult who simply enjoys pretending to be a pretty, pretty princess or, say, a fairy godmother, we’ll leave you to your own devices.

Wait, is anyone else noticing a theme today?