Today, Pitchfork announced that it will start a new sister site that you will say you won’t visit but you totally will. Or to put it in chillwave “lol nostalgia” terms: Pitchfork just launched the Empty Nest to their Golden Girls.
Altered Zones is their new “blog collective,” presumably catapulting off the wild financial success of MBV. The list of FOURTEEN FUCKING MUSIC BLOGGERS supplying the content range from some of our absolute favorites (post-punk stalwart 20 Jazz Funk Greats, woodsy experimental site Raven Sings The Blues) to some of our, uh, lesser favorites (perenially dull chillwave hub Gorilla Vs. Bear) to a bunch of web sites I don’t really know a lot about but are presumably visited by 20-year-olds who have triangle tattoos, collect cassettes and know what “witch house” is. (Chocolate Bobka, Delicious Scopitone, Don’t Die Wondering, Friendship Bracelet, Get Off The Coast, The Road Goes Ever On, Rose Quartz, Transparent, Visitation Rites, Weekly Tape Deck and Yours Truly). In short, you lost this round, Fader.
Now that there’s literally no blog left on Earth to post Toro Y Moi MP3s, will Stereogum have to file an antitrust lawsuit?
Anyway, here’s just the important words from the Pitchfork press release, listed without context: home-recorded, surreal, retrofuturistic, cassette-only, pyramid, phantasmagorian synergies, aura, radio wave, collage artist, daze, antiquated photographic techniques, noise, psych, lost, astrophysics, half-remembered cultural nostalgias, cosmic, colour-drenched, heartbreaking, audiophile, tacos. [Pitchfork]