The Child-Terrorizing Orbs at Brooklyn Bridge Park Have Been Eradicated


The parents of Brooklyn have had their way, again! The evil, pugnacious, itty-bitty-baby-hand-burning $84,000 metal domes of Brooklyn Bridge Park have been removed, soon to be replaced by “a new red house and fairy castle, which are age appropriate for small children,” reports the New York Times City Room Blog.

But in this day and age of playground inadequacies, how long must we wait until someone points out that a “red house” may subliminally reinforce latent Communist beliefs and underground spy networks, and a “fairy castle” — well, we’re not even going to go there. Remember the Park Slope parent who inadvertently started a forum war by attempting to return what she described as “a boy’s hat” to its rightful owner? Let’s just say, people were enraged! And what about the prison-themed jungle gym in Bedford-Stuyvesant that’s now been repainted in a more PC space-age theme (until the aliens get word)?

Just saying, when we were young, we burned our own hands for fun, and Mom would lock us up in “jail” whenever she needed a moment of peace and quiet. But times have changed.

Within a week of [the orbs’] unveiling, parents reported that their children were burning their hands on them — and screaming out in pain. The domes were initially covered with tents to protect them from the sun. Park officials said trees would eventually fill in, creating enough shade. But word spread quickly on Brooklyn parent blogs to avoid them.

Brooklyn parents, imagine what you could do if you used your powers to fix the oil spill.