If you’re one of New York’s many smokers, today is the day! The day for the price of your cigarettes to go up by $1.60 a pack, thanks to new New York state taxes. Have you thought about quitting?
Of course, quitting will be hard, because you’re addicted. But as the New York Post‘s John Crudele pointed out today, there are plenty of other things you can get addicted to! Weed, coke (or crack!), heroin, chocolate…lobster?…oh and booze, of course. Lucky for you and your budget, Crudele has crunched the numbers (in his imagination) and provided a handy set of price points for your new substances.
Makes the choice that much easier! Thing is, his prices are wrong.
“The price of a ‘nickel bag’ of pot has defied inflation and held at $5 ever since I was an impressionable teenager,” quoth Crudele. I, for one, have never heard of a $5 bag of weed being sold in New York City, or anywhere else for that matter. I consulted with my parents, experts on the 1970s, who told me that $5 bags were indeed available back in the day. But now? I asked a hippie friend well-versed in all things pot-related.
“You can maybe get that if you’re in middle school.”
Okay, what about Crudele’s claim that one can buy a single joint (“a ‘reefer,’ if you will”) for $3.50?
“People buy single joints?”
Debunked. Next up, cocaine. According to Crudele, a gram of coke is obtainable for $20 dollars. As an NYU student, I can attest to this being completely false by like $40-$50. Crack, he says, is $3 to $5 per vial. But — “Crack comes in a baggie the size of your fingernail with the yellow rocks in it. Twenty bucks.”
Next! Heroin. $10 a “hit,” says Crudele. The scuzzy hipsters of my acquaintance say it’s $20, and that’s per bag.
I trust Crudele on his estimates for chocolate, lobster (who is addicted to lobster? If you are, please contact me), and booze (oh boy, do I trust him on booze!).
In conclusion, “if you gotta have a bad habit, at least from a financial point of view, cigarettes are still a pretty good alternative.” Oh wait, that’s Crudele’s conclusion, and it doesn’t make any sense given all the calculations he just (erroneously) made. My conclusion is, Hey John Crudele, wanna blaze? It’s only $5.