Though the Daily News promises us killer raccoons on their cover today (or at least ‘killer’ raccoons), it turns out they’re only kinda-sorta-maybe rabid, and sick. Yawn. But the team makes up for that by digging in deep and locating a faux-redhead in our very own city who bears a passing resemblance to sexy Russian spy-person Anna Chapman — whatever it takes to keep a story alive, right guys? — and asking her what it’s like to be ever-so-slightly mistaken for someone who might be working for Russia.
Liza Marie Johnston said it started on Facebook when pals noted her remarkable resemblance to Chapman. Complete strangers have told her, “Hey, you look like that spy.”
“They look at me, they look at the picture [of Chapman] and say, ‘Oh my God!'” said Johnston, 30.
Johnston is actually a natural brunette, but dyed her hair spy-red in some ill-advised plan to play Mary-Kate in an off-Broadway production of The Misadventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley. Now she waits tables at Hillstone (which for “allegedly legitimate reasons” changed its name from Houston’s, hmmmm), where customers are all guffawing it up and double-taking because, wouldn’t it be just that crazy if a spy waited tables!?
We note quite a few differences in the bone structure and around the eyes, but the more we look at the pictures, the more confused we become, which is exactly what a spy wants from you! Further bewilderment arises from Johnston’s enigmatic statement to the Daily News: “I mean, I don’t want to be a Russian spy, but who doesn’t want to be a secret agent?” What does that mean?
At any rate, since Johnston keeps her Facebook details at least semi-private, unlike Anna Chapman, and convincingly seems a fan of such mundane Americana as coffee, Clark Griswold, and Jimmy Buffett, we have to suspect that her spy talents might have gotten her further than Chapman’s…minus the Russian accent of course.
This all puts us in mind to henna our hair and go off the grid for a while, if you know what we mean. Also: Johnston, get yourself an agent for the upcoming Lifetime movie. Now.