The Worst Opening Sentence in a Novel Is Pretty Disgusting, But Real Life Is Worse


Novelist Molly Ringle has been awarded the Bulwer-Lytton prize for the worst opening sentence of the year, and, well, here it is, folks, straight from her book, The Ghost Downstairs:

“For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.”

The metaphor was inspired by nursing her infant son.

In honor of that, here are the three most disgusting sentences we’ve identified from actual live news sources today!

From Gothamist, “Hollister Has CrabsBedbugs!”
“On Tuesday the 29th, an employee found that she had been bitten, and also found a live bedbug and an exoskeleton on her borrowed Hollister outfit. All of the employees were forced to continue working even though more and more bugs were being discovered.”

From USA Today: “Maggots on a Plane”
“I felt like they were crawling all over me because it only takes one maggot to upset your world,” she said. “And as they’re telling us to stay calm and seated, I see a maggot looking back at me and I’m thinking, ‘These are anaerobic, flesh-eating larvae that the flight attendants don’t have to sit with.'”

From NYC The Tumblr: “Starbucks Is Serving Chicken”
“Starbucks is serving chicken.”

Congrats, all. Sometimes these things just write themselves, eh Molly?