NYC Parents Now Outsourcing the Tooth Fairy


When I was a little kid, I had a little tooth-shaped pillow with a pocket on it. When I lost a tooth, I’d put it in the pocket, go to sleep, and lo and behold, come morning there would be a dollar instead of the tooth! To this day I have no idea how my mom pulled that off without waking me up.

My mom had to play Tooth Fairy all by herself, poor thing. But if you’re a parent in a certain Upper West Side co-op, you can easily outsource this duty to the doorman, Danny, who has been taking care of his residents’ Tooth Fairy needs for 15 years.

Basically, the little kids in the building leave their teeth with the doorman (God, what a creepy sentence out of context), and the next day he gives them some candy or something, proving that the TF dropped by the lobby.

He seems like a nice guy, except for when he says, “I love it when they show me the tooth” (shiver). The whole thing is kind of sweet! And he seems to really care about the kiddies.

But, dear overprivileged yuppie New York parents: What’s next? Will the housekeeper now become Santa Claus? The personal assistant, the Great Pumpkin? Will the nanny assume Easter Bunny responsibilities? Oh, she already does?

Does this not make you nostalgic for the days when the TF was a mysterious sprite who took away your gross old baby teeth and left you a symbolic amount of money under the pillow? Now, she is actually the doorman, and just swings by the lobby of your co-op. Only in New York, I guess.