So, the Iranian government is making mullets illegal. And, we’re not for banning things, but this actually seems wise! Iran is also banning a number of other “decadent, Western” hairstyles — we’ll be able to see the full catalog after the oxymoronic Modesty and Veil Festival later this month, but so far, we know that dudes can’t rock ponytails and “elaborate spikes.”
We at the Voice have a few suggestions of our own. Iran, take notes.
The DJ Pauly D
What could be more decadent than the gallon of hair gel that Pauly employs in order to look as though he’s being electrocuted? This is likely already illegal everywhere outside of the Tri-State Area, but if it isn’t on Iran’s list, it should be. Apparently, hair gel is permitted in small amounts, but if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.
The Rat Tail
When I think about rat tails, I get really angry, and so should Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. I mean, I’m assuming they already got to this, but we won’t know until the Modesty and Veil Fiesta Arrrrriba!™.
The Emo Teen Girl Skunk Look
I’ve always wondered: What is this? Does it just automatically happen to you if you are 14 and listen to Paramore? Either way, it won’t be tolerated in the Islamic Republic of Iran.
The Hipster Half-Shaved Head Thing
I can’t think of a hairstyle that screams “Infidel!” more than this.
The faux-hawk is over, and that’s something the Iranian police are fully aware of. If you want a mohawk, don’t half-ass it: Get a mohawk. But not in Iran, probably.
Flock of Seagulls
Whether or not you know that Flock of Seagulls was a band, all the Iranian government will know is that your decadence is inexcusable.
Readers, if you could pick some haircuts to ban, what would they be? What about facial hair?