Has society finally fallen into decadence, like the late Roman Empire? If this new “trend” is to be believed, then, yes, indeed it has. Instead of the traditional church/City Hall route, people are now getting married in our new temples: retail stores and shitty chain restaurants.
According to the USA Today piece that IDs this new tendency, “Retail weddings are still relatively rare.” We hope they stay that way, because their simple existence is alarming enough.
Consider this quote, from self-described “Maxxinista” Lisa Satayut of Michigan, who just married her fiancé in a T.J. Maxx store: “The one constant in my life, no matter what, has always been T.J. Maxx.” I’ll give you this, Lisa, it’s always been dependable when I need a cheap pair of heels to wear for one night.
Here are some other places people are getting married: Home Depot (romantic!), Cold Stone Creamery (I can maybe get behind that), and Taco Bell (this is actually horrifying).
The examples in the article were from other places in the country, but if you’d like to tie the knot in a store in New York, there are plenty of options. We have T.J. Maxx, Cold Stone, and lots of Taco Bells here. Even a couple Home Depots. But, hey, why not think outside the box?
A quick poll of the Runnin’ Scared staff yielded the following results vis-à-vis where to get retail-married in NYC: Annie would go the haute route, choosing either Bergdorfs or Harry Winston. Leslie, who claims to have not thought about this before, would go with Anthropologie, because “it’s pretty, smells good, doesn’t have bedbugs, and usually has kick-ass staircases that you can walk down to the altar.” Jen says she would get hitched in Hollister, which hopefully is not true. Foster is currently on vacation, but he’s oft spoken of a simple, elegant ceremony at a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. (In lieu of wedding gifts, please send donations to the World Wildlife Fund.)
It’s never too early to start planning your dream wedding. Give the new TGI Friday’s in Union Square a call today.