Why Does Andrea Peyser Hate Lindsay Lohan So Much?


Have you heard of Andrea Peyser? She’s a “columnist” person for the New York Post, and she likes to get all up in people’s business, especially, for some reason, if they’re women more attractive than her (Ooh, we said it). At any rate, she’s got quite the mouthful for LiLo today about her nail accoutrement (you know, the middle-finger message that said “Fuck U” to, ostensibly, the judge or America or Sam Ronson or anyone who would listen, maybe even Andrea Peyser herself?)

Peyser did not like this. “No, Lindsay, it’s time you ‘F’ yourself,” she says, and then goes on to criticize, impugn, and deliver a big, published “Fuck U” to Lindsay Lohan, except not on her middle finger, although we can imagine she held it aloft aggressively the whole time she scrawled the piece one-handed.

Except…Why so angry, Peyser? Hamilton Nolan at Gawker suggests it may be an unrequited crush (“Andrea dreams of caressing Lindsay from head to backside”), and we’d agree except we know that Peyser only loves cats. So…jealousy, perhaps? But whatever the cause, we dare say Andrea got some of her facts wrong. To wit:

Enough! Blubbering, bawling mega boob Lindsay Lohan doesn’t deserve a speck of your sympathy or support, nor a dollop of respect. What Linz desperately needs is a swift kick in the teeth, a foot in the backside and a broom with which to clean up her many messes, which I would not touch with a full-body condom.

Lindsay was (allegedly) just punched in the face by a waitress. Doesn’t that count for something?

She’s finished. Over.

Begging the question: Why are you writing about her?

Once, she was a role model for young ladies, the fresh-faced child star who entered our living rooms and movie theaters with heaps of promise and every opportunity known to man and the creator.

All the opportunities indeed, minus the fame-whoring on-again-off-again parents and lack of an actual childhood, since she was busy showing off her fresh face in our living rooms and everything.

These days, she resembles something dragged in on the bottom of my shoe.

Well, that might be a bit extreme. Could we see the bottom of your shoe?

If Lindsay can’t read, which is seriously in question…

Then how in the world did she write “Fuck U” on her fingernail?

Lindsay, whose mother, Dina, may be just a smidge less insufferable than her fair-haired meal ticket…

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Did you hear about “Carvelgate 2010”?

There is one sure-fire cure. Don’t see her movies. Don’t rent her videos. Starve Lindsay Lohan.

Problem with this is, the last movie we saw of LiLo’s was Mean Girls (several times, actually) and she still hasn’t starved, though her weight does fluctuate and we hear her bank account is in the gutter. All those manicures or something.

At the end of the day, we don’t hate Lindsay. If anything, we feel a bit sorry for her, and we do think she’s a bit of a mess. But there must be something good about her if she brings out this sort of wrath in Andrea Peyser, no?

You know what LiLo would say? Bring It. Except, she wasn’t in that movie.