NYC Wins Second Place in “Who’s Next for a Hurricane?” Competition


Guess who’s overdue for a hurricane? Yep, we’re lookin’ at you, New York. So what if we didn’t make the rich and single list? We’re number 2 out of the Weather Channel’s “Top 5 Hurricane Vulnerable & Overdue Cities”! Hurricane expert Dr. Rick Knabb says, “It is a matter of when, not if, these areas are struck next.”

Geez, way to think positive! Anyway, since the hurricane will logically have to hit city number 1 (Miami-Fort Lauderdale) first, we can wait it out and pack our shit after that happens, right? Miami’s, like, a three-hour flight away from us.

Cities coming in third, fourth, and last place: Tampa Bay, Savannah, and Atlantic City.

If a hurricane did (or does) hit New York — and they have before, but none have done major damage since the Great Hurricane of 1938 — it’s thought that New York’s major bridges “would experience hurricane force winds well before those winds were felt at sea-level locations,” meaning those escape routes — as well as ferries — would have to be closed early. A storm surge prediction program in 1998 estimated that in a category 4 hurricane, JFK would be under 20 feet of water, and water would pour through the Holland and Brooklyn-Battery tunnels and into the city’s subways throughout lower Manhattan. The report did not estimate casualties, but did state that storms “that would present low to moderate hazards in other regions of the country could result in heavy loss of life” in the New York City area.

If you are in a hurricane, the number one tip is: Don’t be an asshole. Stay inside, away from windows. Do not “get ballsy” and run around outside taking pictures and video and then get on Twitter and brag about it! No one wants to see your super-awesome hurricane montage set to “Poker Face”; we’re all busy hanging out in our basements/storm shelters (what are those?) and surviving on canned goods. Plus, you could hurt yourself!

Refer to “10 Ways to Prepare for a New York City Blackout” for more handy tips regarding natural, manmade, or self-induced crises.

Here’s some more info on what a hurricane might do in New York, in case you don’t appreciate our jokey tone. Hurricanes, you can suck it.