Sad Things for Lonely People: 85 Percent of America Knows What Twitter Is


According to a new Pew Research report, we are a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma (or maybe that was Winston Churchill talking about Russia) but at any rate, damn, we are confusing! And complex! And, chained to our computers, all the better to Tweet to other persons who are chained to their computers to perpetuate our continuum of immortal technology, or something.

• 85 percent of us know what Twitter is, but only 19 percent of us know who the prime minister of Britain is (I mean, he did just change!)

• 77 percent of us know that kids born to illegal parents are citizens, but only 28 percent of us know who the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is. (John Roberts. But what has he done for us lately?)

• 73 percent of us know that Congress passed health reform this year, but only 34 percent of us…TARP…What? Who? When?

• 63 percent of us, at least, know that the World Cup was hosted in South Africa. As for finding South Africa on a map…oh, whatever.

Though not included in the poll, we’d estimate that 60 percent of us own an iPhone, 93 percent of us know what a vuvuzela is, 91 percent of us know the chorus to at least one Lady Gaga song, and 97 percent of us have heard at least one Mel Gibson rant.