Silicone boobs? Fuhgettaboutem.The “Wine Rack” bra is a cheap alternative to implants that turns jugs into jug-o-wines and even comes with a CamelBak-style rubber straw that protrudes from the right cup. Just don’t drink too fast, or your wine-filled balloons will turn into pancakes before you have the chance to show them off! In other words, nurse slowly.
“You won’t find this at Victoria’s Secret,” Paul Krasulja of silly gift website BaronBob.com (flask binoculars, beer holsters, poop soap, etc.) tells the Daily News. Then he says the magic words of every fake-boob maker, “But even if you put your hand on it, it would feel like a boob.” Or it would feel like the bladder of a box of Franzia — same thing, essentially.
The Wine Rack sells for $29.95, holds 25 ounces (about four glasses of wine), and comes in small or medium sizes. Err on the smaller side for optimal wine pressure; the bigger allows for peak comfort and a few extra drops of vino.
This invention is missing only one thing: a refrigeration system. So red wine works best, though you may want to stay near an air conditioner because body temperature wine is, well, 98.6 degrees. So it really is like lactating booze, but without subsequent physical contact (could get weird, fast) — the straw is long enough so that you might share with dignity, at least what dignity you have left after wearing this thing.