The Internet is full of vices. First, kids were posting pictures of themselves doing drugs on the Internet; now, kids are doing drugs on the Internet. Apparently. Wanna join in on all the fun? We’ll tell you how. After many samples, trials, and tests, we have determined what we think is the best way to get high off the Internet.
Step #1. Lay back and relax
Step #2. Put your headphones on.
Step #3. Watch this.
It’s totally wild. Everyone’s been talking about this so-called “binaural technology” that alters your brain waves and mental state, producing a “state of ecstasy” for the user. You can even see other users’ “states of ecstasy” here! And some people were talking about it on Twitter:
But the rest of the Internet is hard to trust — so here are the Runnin’ Scared staff reactions.
Rosie: Everything seemed OK at first, just some ominous murmurings. Around a minute and a half, the thing crackled and then like SHRIEKED and I freaked out and almost ripped off my headphones. That’s when things started getting weird. Mesmerized by the sound, I noticed that my vision was…changing. Suddenly, the room fell away, Matrix-style, and I entered a different level of consciousness. It’s really hard to explain unless you’ve been there. But trust me, it was a strange and beautiful journey through my mind. After the clip was over, I came back to reality (but what IS reality?) a bit tired, but forever changed by the experience. PSYCH. I remained uncomfortably sober the entire time.
Jen: Turned off after four seconds. Had a very bad feeling.
Leslie: This is like staring at that 3D Magic Eye book that I could never do right in third grade or like saying “Bloody Mary” three times fast and looking in a mirror to see only myself. Shouldn’t something purported as a digital drug at least have good music? I fast-forwarded through some of it, but that thing’s like an unbearable dog whistle for humans, and I don’t want to go through Hades’ gates anytime soon anyway. I’ll
stick with booze, thanks. Don’t do drugs, kids, not even digital ones.
Annie: To be fair, I had guinea pigged my penchant-for-pink-wigs roommate to do it first, so I wasn’t that surprised when the crazy switch came. It had more of an Adderall effect on me. I responded to Facebook messages, updated my Twitter, and cleaned out my inbox. A very productive 10 minutes.
Three Minutes In: Relieved that this isn’t the infamous “Brown Sound” having not shat my Levi’s at this point. Was concerned for a moment.
Five Minutes In: Want a snack.
Seven Minutes In: Still want a snack.
Ten Minutes In: Got up, tripped out of bed, crashed into closet door. Being an inordinately clumsy person, this is not good. Attempted walking to kitchen for snack and nearly ended up inside fridge.
Eleven Minutes In: Drinking chocolate soy milk — state of ecstasy achieved.
OK, we forgot some steps:
Step #3.5. Rip out your headphones after about two and a half minutes, if not sooner.
Step #4. Go smoke an actual bowl.