Apple to Give Out Free Phone-Condoms for Impotent Antennae, Admit They Fu*ked Up


So, apparently, those new iPhones were released basically broken! Or with bad antennae that make you have to hold your phone a certain way, kind of like the way Apple only wants you to use only their applications on their phone. Now they want to control your hands! But their plot to do so didn’t work, because Americans were pissed at the company’s arrogance. And today, during a press conference, Steve Jobs announced his solution:

Via Retuers’ liveblog of the event, BOOM:


There you have it, in pictures! Also, they’re going to offer to refund people the entire cost of the phone, contract, everything. The offer expires on September 30 (Jobs: “It’s just a chance to say we will re-evaluate it in September. Maybe we will continue it or maybe we will have a better idea”). Also, choice quotes from Jobs:

  • “We were stunned and upset and embarrassed by the consumer reports that came out this week.”
  • From the Reuters reporter: “Bloomberg article saying Steve Jobs knew about the problem early on is a ‘total crock.'”
  • “We are just a band of people working our asses off to surprise and delight people. We are human.”

Well, except when you’re being a superhuman dick. Maybe you should get a chill-case to chill the antennae of your arrogance, Steve Jobs!

But more importantly, maybe people should not become “fanboys” of consumer products to the point where they purchase them before they even know what the product really is because that’s the point at which a corporation can subvert their base of addicted consumers by raising profit margins and lowering the quality of their output, thus screwing the public who — yes, while they have a choice to be screwed — were intentionally subverted by an entity far more powerful than them.