Well-Known Hipster Astronaut-Wizard “Douche” Stalks Asian Girls in Williamsburg, is “Misunderstood”

This is the kind of blog post where you get to pull out all the tags you love using: a guy who lives in the core of Hipster (“Artiste”) Williamsburg who characterizes himself sometimes as a wizard, or other times, as an astronaut from “Planet Xenon,” has been reportedly creeping out Asian women in the Greater Williamsburg Area lately, and now, it’s “a thing.”

Brian Ries of Free Williamsburg reports on a reader tip reporting on a “well-known douche named [redacted] wandering Wburg stalking Asian gals,” after which she goes on to describe her experience with said “well-known douche” at — where else? — infamous Williamsburg drinking haunt Union Pool. The story goes like this:

• Asian Girl is drinking with friends, WKD approaches.
• Asian Girl declines WKD’s advances for “some action, maybe a number.”
• Asian Girl moves outside, WKD follows.
• Asian Girl moves again, WKD follows.
• Asian Girl is basically being chased by WKD, friends almost kick WKD’s ass.
• Asian Girl goes to Marci Park, and sees friend, another Asian Girl.
• Asian Girl #1 tells Asian Girl #2 about “The Douche.”
• Asian Girl #2 tells Asian Girl #1 that she knows him and “has been collecting the guy’s ‘ridiculously stupid [business] cards’ for some time.”
• Asian Girl #1 goes home, gets on Facebook, and finds “6-7 fellow Williamsburg Asians respond with similar stories.”
• Commence “Detective Work” montage.

The girls have pieced together an identity. He describes himself sometimes as an astronaut, others, a wizard. He lives here in Brooklyn in an iconic artist’s loft, but of course, he’s from “Planet Xenon,” in space. His mackery involves walking up to Asian girls in McCarren Park, or at bars, and saying, no matter how many times he’s met them, “Hey, I’ve never met you before.”

And then, as these things go, it gets blogged. Of course, who responds to things on the Internet about crazy people? Other crazy people. Which is what happened when Astronaut-Wizard (or: “Asswizard”) WKD responded to Free Williamsburg’s post. He is mad! And he makes some very compelling arguments!

I was just trying to be a nice guy! I’m always polite to the people I meet and if someone says they are in a conversation or not interested I simply walk away. The article is totally misleading and skewed. Now you have people calling me a stalker, creeper, molester, and all of this other stuff. I am really upset that you portrayed me in such a light. It’s complete hipster, bullshit, journalism!

Except, well, takes one to know one. More importantly, however, are choice lines in the rest of WKD’s letter to Free Williamsburg:

• I will admit that sometimes people don’t “get me” and think I’m strange. Yes, and because you’re not Rainman, this is no excuse for creeping Asian Chicks in Williamsburg out.
• But maybe they are too caught up in their own isolation bubble of uber urban coolness to make a new friend or think outside of the box. Thinking “outside the box” is either a euphemism for corporate assholes or a way for “creative” people to convince themselves that the world should accommodate their “eccentricities” (read: child-like, conscious disregard for tact) as opposed to just coming to terms with the way they conflict with everyone else, because, really, they’re just tactics for attention.
• I just like talking/ meeting people in general, not just asian girls. Then what’s with all the Asian Girls?!
• I try to meet and talk too as many people as i can everyday… bums, mta workers, cabbies, and people of every race and background. If there are four people who really don’t want to get to know you because of your interest in expanding your worldview, they’re bums, MTA Workers, cabbies, and the people you’re spending your money gentrifying out of their cultures. If you were any more glib and naive, well…you can’t be.
• That’s why I’m in New York, to experience life and meet interesting people and trade stories etc. “Etc.,” indeed.
• When you are outgoing and put yourself out there like I do, there are always going to be a few people that don’t like you for whatever reason. Yeah. Like the fact that you are creeping them out.

Free Williamsburg has turned off the comments on their post, but we will not turn them off on ours! Open season, people. Do you think WKD is just a misunderstood victim of “complete hipster, bullshit, journalism”? Or is he a funky creeper who — like a significant segment of Williamsburg’s population — just needs to learn some social graces?

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]