New York Post Declares Geese “Clear and Present Danger,” Supports Wiping Them Out


There’s nothing like stoking the fear which sits mostly dormant — though it’s certainly there — in the bellies of New Yorkers everywhere. Mentioning Giuliani usually gets ’em going, but if you want to cut the crap, mention airplane crashes. Or worse, almost-airplane crashes. That’s the strategy for a New York Post editorial today arguing in favor of slaughtering geese. Not only is the logic shaky, but the words are really hard to understand!

The premise is pretty simple: Anyone “up in arms” over the killing of hundreds of geese in New York City’s Prospect Park, with more extermination to follow, is wrong. Gas ’em all, birds and bird-lovers alike! But…what?

Now, we might be willing to shed a small tear for Beaky, who’d lost the top of his beak to a fish hook, and for Target, who survived after being shot through the neck with an arrow — both of whom now reportedly sleep with the geese (if not the fishes).

The birds, the argument continues, are “a menace that has led to more than 73,000 collisions with aircraft over the past decade.” Pay no attention to where that statistic is coming from. “That includes at least 30 in the vicinity of JFK that resulted in ‘substantial’ aircraft damage — threatening the lives of thousands of flesh-and-blood passengers.”

Flesh-and-blood — the imagery! And, never forget:

Like US Airways Flight 1549, which — thanks to the superhuman skills of pilot Chesley Sullenberger — landed miraculously in the Hudson, after its engines were incapacitated by a goose strike upon takeoff from La Guardia.

The birds present “a clear and present danger.” And if we don’t wipe them out, the BLOOD is on the hands of all the wussy animal activists:

If a pilot less skilled than Captain Sullenberger had been in the cockpit of Flight 1549, there might have been 155 dead bodies in the Hudson — and perhaps a bit less huffing about gassing geese.

Now, sure, maybe these animals need to be taken care of. I’m not an expert on aviation or anything avian. But clearly neither is anyone at the New York Post. And why bother to contact a source who might strengthen your case when scaring the shit out of your readers works just as well? From the incomprehensible, macho bloodlust and fearmongering in this column, you’d think we were talking about Muslims.