Would You Rather…Be Beaten by Your Own Crutches or Know That Whoopi Goldberg Has Your Back?


Why are summer Mondays so much harder than winter Mondays? Why is it so hot? Why is everyone complaining when it’s not even that hot? Why must the MTA continue to screw us? It’s one of those days over here at Runnin’ Scared HQ when we’re all feeling kinda ouchy, and so, we offer you: Would You Rather: The News Edition, in which we take real live items in the news cycle and pit them against each other, then make you choose which you’d prefer to happen to you. It’s fun!

We promise this will make you feel better, because if you think about it, none of your annoyances are this bad. (If your annoyances are this bad, we apologize. You should probably stop reading the Internet and start drinking heavily.)

Would You Rather:

a) Have your apartment taken over by rats so superhuman they are actually eating through the walls…


b) Be beaten by your own crutches?

Would You Rather:

a) Live next door to the woman who owns the yappiest, most obnoxious little wiener dogs in New York City…


b) Live in the Gulf of Mexico?

Would You Rather:

a) Be stabbed in the eye by a co-worker…


b) Know that Whoopi Goldberg has your back?

Hang in there. Tomorrow’s another day, folks…