Though we can attest from bitter experience that your average music critic is not necessarily a person from whom you want to receive a three-minute monologue about anything, we nevertheless feel compelled to recommend Vol. 1 Brooklyn’s one-year anniversary party at Bar Matchless this Thursday, featuring The Greatest 3-Minute Record Reviews Ever. As read by a handful of SOTC friends and colleagues, including Girl Power author Marisa Meltzer, chart czar Maura Johnston, local wit Rob Tannenbaum, Slaughterhouse 90210‘s Maris Kreizman, and a bunch of other worthy writers. (Stereogum’s Brandon Stosuy, though billed, will not be attending, due to the recent appearance of this guy right here.) Hopefully things will get really emo and uncomfortable and weird–in fact, we guarantee it! Thursday, July 22, 7pm, Bar Matchless. First person to talk about their awkward teenage years wins.