Here at Runnin’ Scared, not only are we news bloggers, we’re also medical experts when it come to afflictions that hit close to home, namely blogger burnout — a topic explored over and over by the Times, most recently yesterday — and a very dirty word around our office.
Blogger burnout is no laughing matter. It can result in quitting one’s job, thinking practical jokes are very serious when they involve work, and forfeiting all sleep to play mind games with Google algorithms, according to the Times. We love page views as much as the next blogger, but the Runnin’ Scared staff knows a thing or 10 about avoiding BB, and we’ll share our preventative measures below. Servicey! Feel free to adjust dosage accordingly and apply these measures to burnout at your own job, whatever it may be.
No explanation necessary. Just avoid the hard stuff while blogging or operating machinery or doing whatever it is that you do when you’re not typically drinking. Oh, hell, whatever.
2. Consume Things that Aren’t Booze
Keep drinking coffee until your blogger burn has been supplanted with that buzzy half-nauseated/half-numb feeling. Then start in on the tea, “for relaxation,” chasing with Sprite for pep, and water to stay alive. We can’t say anything about drugs here, except we kinda just did!
3. Medicate With YouTube
Make yourself pleasantly numb with an array of sensations for the ears and eyes: smoking babies, booty jams, animals using iPads…and the list goes on. You can do this for hours; it’s your job!
4. Embrace Failure
Sometimes things seem cool that are only cool to you. These are the times when it’s best to just let it go. I wanted to write about this bendable bike, for instance — it’s bendable! It’s a bike! — but everything went downhill from there so I trashed it and moved on. Still, I must say, I’m so happy to share it with you here. (Antidote 4a, 4b: Use the shit out of everything; have no shame.)
5. Consume More Things That Aren’t Booze. Like Peanut M&Ms
The package looks like sunshine. Also, you get peanuts for salt, chocolate for sweet, and sugar for energy. And if bored you can divide the colors into piles on your desk and stage elaborate M&Ms race wars, then write about them!
6. Pretend Your Apartment Is a Combination Jail/Buddhist Monastery for the Weekend
Whatever you do, don’t leave. Make up lies if friends call: “Oh, yeah, sorry can’t make it out today, still waiting for that damn cable guy…I know, two full days — this is getting ridiculous!” Watch rom-coms, order delivery, and only allow guests who are willing to spend hours watching the last three weeks of the Bachelorette on DVR — too bad for them if you’re in a muumuu covered in popcorn kernels and refuse to speak or acknowledge their presence.
7. Sweat the Small Stuff
Not enough is said about misplaced stress and anger — it can really get the blood pumping! Kick and scream in a berserk tantrum when you accidentally step in dog shit or miss the subway by two seconds; the sense of euphoria will set in a while later. People only stare because they envy your emotional freeness.
8. Enjoy Liquid Brunch
Two words and lots of ’em: Bloody Marys. You’ll feel 100 percent again by the bottom of number three. Top with bacon for protein.
9. Try Being Nice, Maybe
If all else fails: Give money to the gas station attendant who’s kinder than he has to be; smile at other people’s doormen; hold the elevator door instead of acting oblivious. Get out of your own head, you selfish asshole, I mean, lovely human being.
10. Whine Endlessly to Anyone Who Will Listen
“Anyone who will listen” is a term I use loosely. It could also mean anyone who is forced to listen to your endless bullshit. Bus ride? Take advantage of a stranger’s ear. Doctor’s appointment? They’re paid to hear your complaints, and can give you pills if necessary. Plus, you have way more troubles than anyone else — you’re a blogger.
Hopefully, these top 10 tips will squelch your burnout as effectively as they do ours. Keep plugging away, folks.