Let’s All Stop Giving a Shit About What Lindsay Lohan Is Doing in Jail


Yes, yes, we know we ran two stories about LiLo in jail yesterday. But the Daily Beast published a piece today by librarian Avi Steinberg entitled “Lindsay Lohan’s Jailhouse Reading List,” and suddenly we knew it had happened: We’d hit our Lohan saturation point. The list comprises four books, but who even cares what those books are, because she is in jail for two weeks (less, now!). She will not read the poems and letters of Emily Dickinson, and she will not read the Book of Jonah. Let’s just be real.

From the Beast:

Because I could not stop for Death/He kindly stopped for me.

Here is a perfect, Twitter-length, poem for Lohan to reflect upon. This witty verse seems a fairly accurate summary of her path to prison. Prison, after all, is a form of death.

Okay. What? Okay. I kinda get it. Emily Dickinson will be good because her poems are short and Lindsay likes to use Twitter, which is also…short. And Lindsay won’t be lonely, because she “has Dickinson as her guide.”

Also, this: “No prison reading list would be complete without some mention of the Bible. The Bible, of course, can be a rather serious and possibly painful undertaking.” All the more reason why she’s not going to touch it.

Listen: whatever. It was fun for about five minutes to speculate about what she’s doing in there, but a reading list? “Talking on the vents”? Come on. She’s probably not going to do a damn thing, she’s in solitary confinement. Then she’ll be in rehab, and then after that, she’ll be back in the public eye, probably messing up again, and then let’s get back to talking about her endlessly, as is our duty as a culture. Let’s consider this a well-deserved vacation for all of us.