The Mel Gibson Crossword Puzzle: We Have a Winner!


On Monday morning, we posted Runnin’ Scared’s very first original puzzle contest: a crossword based on assorted quotes from Lethal Weapon 3 star and well-established sociopath Mel Gibson. The prize? Any Mel Gibson DVD of our winner’s choice ($24.99 MSRP or less). And we have now received our winning entry!

Congratulations are in order to a gentleman named “Fee.s,” who in his winning entry linked us to his Vimeo page, which appears to be linked to his own poetry and literary journal.

Naturally! An endeavor like this would require, as they say, “a touch of the poet.” His winning entry in full is pictured at left, and below, the entire crossword, with the most vile answer key in the history of crossword puzzles below, along with the original clues; and below that, our winner’s DVD choice!


2. If you go out scantily clad, you will look like a _________.
5. If you are not real, then you and every part of you is this.
7. Your friend Alicia would only need ______ seconds with me.
8. I will do this to your house before you gift me with oral sex.
10. My Lethal Weapon co-star.
13. These guys are responsible for all the problems in the world.
14. You make me want to do this.
16. My homeland, which I obviously make proud every day.
19. It never happened, according to Dad.
21. If I am really fucking nice to you and you are not really fucking nice back, you are being a _____.
22. You don’t have one of these.
23. The kind of person I am.
24. I made a movie about this guy being beaten for two hours.
25. I’m sick of your this.

1. If you go out scantily clad, and get assaulted, whose fault will it be?
3. What you are to me.
4. Your friend Alicia would have ______ me.
6. I don’t have any of these.
9. If you go out scantily clad, you will get _________.
11. The kind of garden I’ll put you in (you cunt).
12. The movie I won a bunch of Oscars for.
15. Not a mutually exlusive term with being the mother of my child. Informal for “insane woman.”
17. What you give someone who is about to do damage to your place of residence.
18. Arresting female police officer (informal).
20. If you go out scantily clad, and get assaulted, it will be by a pack of these.

Fee.s has chosen 1994’s Richard Donner-directed, William Goldman-penned (!) Maverick — our recommended selection! — as his Mel Gibson DVD of choice. Thankfully, he did not opt for Forever Young, against Runnin’ Scared’s Dept. of Internal Contest Affairs’ worst fears.

Incidentally, I’m not sure if The Princess Bride writer Goldman would have been entirely too pleased to work with Gibson if he knew what a misogynist anti-Semite Gibson was, but at the time, nobody knew that! And a pretty charming movie was made. Maybe Fee.s can be taken back to a time when we didn’t know that one of Hollywood’s most bankable stars was such a psychopath. Or maybe not. Hopefully it will be an enjoyable watch and/or keepsake regardless. To entice him, the trailer, along with our highest order of congratulations:

Mazel Tov!