Well, I know what I won’t be doing Thursday night. Time Out briefly profiled the “down and dirty” club House of Scorpio on their purported “Lip Service” party and had their host, Larisa Fuchs, lay out some ground rules for the R-rated rendezvous. We translated them for you.
These parties are reportedly full of “lubricating cocktails and naughty games with sexy friends and intriguing strangers” designed to exploit the horniness of people who probably use online dating mechanisms (seeing as their promoter, “Gemini and Scorpio,” are self-proclaimed online dating gurus, whatever that means). Anyway, here are the rules at “Lip Service,” lest you find yourself bored this coming Thursday night.
1. Dress to kiss
“Costumes are highly encouraged,” says Fuchs, “Wouldn’t you love to make out with a unicorn or a pope?” Fuchs adds that casual or business attire is banned at the door, “since cubicles and daily chores should be the furthest thing from your mind.”
Translation: Getting someone to make out with you requires becoming something you are not. No one wants to make out with who you actually are, so you might as well come as exactly the opposite. And the Pope idea is totally ironic!
2. Bring a friend
Lip Service acts on the PAL (Pervy Activity Liaison) system, which means you’re required to bring someone you trust. “All guests take responsibility to create a warm, open, sexy and comfortable atmosphere,” says Fuchs.
Translation: Tag-team it. Scoring a make-out session with a hottie dressed as a French maid is more than likely going to be a two-man job for you.
3. Keep your hands to yourself
Don’t touch people you don’t know without express consent. Fuchs says, “This is immediate cause to be ejected and even banned from all future events.”
Translation: People who go to make-out parties aren’t just asking for it. Not one bit.
4. Don’t be a creep
“There is a specific code of conduct all guests agree to beforehand,” says Fuchs, who insists partners state their boundaries, and not hover over people, stare, or get too drunk.
Translation: There is nothing at all creepy about this entire process, so don’t go ruining it for the entire, respectable establishment.
5. Do share
Bring toys and games, which, Fuchs says, are great icebreakers. But, even though this is an R-rated romp, she says to leave the vibrators at home.
Translation: Check for warts.
It’s all in the subtext, guys. Always read between the lines when heading to your local kissing-friendly disease fest.