Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding to Feature Luxury Porta-Potties, Increasing Odds of Awkward Encounters


Before you click away from this post thinking that it’ll be just more blather about Chelsea Clinton’s wedding, be aware that it is exactly that, but with a twist: outrageously huge porta-potties. Seriously. These rent-a-johns are bigger than my apartment by far, and carry a hefty cost of $15,000.

I mean, just look at these things. They’re insane. And considering the star-studded guest list for the event, the shared nature of the porta-potties could lead to all kinds of awkward encounters between famous people who don’t know each other very well. We let our imaginations run wild.

Hillary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey Get Into An Awkward Conversation While Washing Their Hands

You know how you’ll go into a bathroom and there’s someone else in one of the stalls, and you try to pee really quick and get out of there without talking to the other person, but you time it badly and end up in an awkward conversation over the sinks? That’s totally going to happen to Oprah and Hillary, and they’ll both be drunk. Oprah, grasping for topics, will say something about how lovely the event is, and Hillary will think to herself, “It fucking better be lovely, it cost $3 million.”

Barbra Streisand Drunkenly Brings Up the Time when Doris Kearns Goodwin Plagiarized Stuff

Barbra Streisand and Doris Kearns Goodwin are chatting while Barbra re-applies lipliner, and Babs has already been through four vodka sodas. She makes an remark to the tune of, “So how’s everything been going since that plagiarism thing?” Doris stiffens and smiles uncomfortably. Babs realizes she’s made a faux pas and hurries back to the party.

Sting is Quietly Throwing Up after Too Much Champagne; Steven Spielberg Walks In and Leaves Quickly

Sting is just trying to quickly vomit without making a big deal out of it, when Spielberg wanders in to take a piss. He hears Sting vomiting and considers tapping on the door to say, “Is everything okay?” then figures it will make it more awkward and leaves. He knows it’s Sting, though, because of his shoes, and goes and gossips with Kate Capshaw about it, who tells Denise Rich.

Please, if anyone goes to the Clinton wedding, let us know if any of these scenarios actually happen.