20 Slang Suggestion Alternatives for The Female Condom

After yesterday’s post on the forthcoming Female Condom takeover, we noticed a terrible deficiency in the Female Condom industry/culture: the device has not one nickname! Guys have a slew of allusive appellations for “condom” — ‘loveglove,’ ‘rubber,’ ‘johnny,’ ‘jimmy hat (!?)’ — and though you’re likely in 7th grade (or should be) if you’re calling it anything other than a “condom,” on behalf of the ladies, we felt the need to correct this double standard (if only for 7th grade girls).

So here: Our contribution to society’s sexual contraception sub-culture, a list of Female Condom nicknames. Bloggers, conversationalist, silly old ladies of The View, whoever, please employ these terms at your own discretion.

Unless you write for Gray’s Anatomy, in which case, steal any of these and we’ll sue the shit out of you.

• The Anorak
• Concave Condom
• Spartan Shield
• Hoohah Hoodie
• Snatcher
• Muffler
• Catcher
• Box Wrapper
• Beaver Saver
• Cherry Bag
• Coochie Coup
• The Clam Dam
• Socket Pocket
• G.P. (Gynecomorphous Prophylatic)
• Chasm Phantasm
• Coochie Caddie
• Canyon Cleaner
• Baby Blocker
• Muffin Topper
• The Wet Seal

If you can think of any more, put ’em in the comments. If you need any more, well…you really shouldn’t.