Saturday’s New York Post dedicated its entire cover to Snooki’s arrest on the Jersey Shore, turning a few line gossip item into an overlong feature that read more like press release than even a puff piece. On Sunday, the cover was unfortunately occupied by huge news, leaving Jersey Shore only 1,000+ words inside today’s edition to get across an important message: “these days, the ‘Jersey Shore’ fist-pumping gang are the real masters of the universe. Guido is good.” This is never going to end, is it?
Let’s be real: the Post is hardly alone in tracking every move of these television stars. (They killed on the cover.) And yes, they’re stars at this point, at least for now. But the Post, maybe more than any other media outlet not named MTV, has quite a way of making something out of nothing when it comes to the Shore.
Today, it’s ostensibly a feature based on the guidos’ time at the New York Stock Exchange. That happened Tuesday. Oh, and nothing “happened.” So we’re left with this:
Author, TV star, entrepreneur, investor. That accurately, if hilariously, describes Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, with his almost cartoonishly sculpted abs, and his co-star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, famous for getting socked in the face in a bar and now for being arrested Friday in Seaside Heights for disorderly conduct after she was spotted drinking on the beach.
“I’m not trashy, unless I drink too much,” Snooki famously said on the first season of “Jersey Shore.”
She drinks a lot.
So, it’s a glimpse into the “lives” and “personalities of two television characters whose show is… the same glimpse into their “lives” and “personalities.” The insights are few and far between, but the plugs are not:
Although it’s hard to take The Situation seriously, a lot of brand names do. Reebok (backing his fitness video), GNC (releasing his fat-burning supplements) and Vitaminwater (using him as a mascot) have signed on to work with the six-packed star.
There’s a book, two clothing lines, a few iPhone apps and protein-infused vodka that also will be released within the year.
“Also, there’s some kind of liqueur,” he said, pausing. “I didn’t really have time to look into it. I’m sure my team is working on it.”
Ratings, money, Post copies flying off the newsstand — smoke ’em if you got ’em. But it feels like the Post keeps ashing on our heads.