July Falls Short of Heat Record; August Is Comparatively Comfortable


Welcome to August — hell on earth in New York is officially over, according to the Daily News. Well, maybe not over over, but we’ll feel a decrease from a 10 (purple face and pit stains) on the sweatiness scale to approximately a 7 (still uncomfortable, with a healthy sheen of sweat).

“July is historically warmer than August, but the biggest thing about this July is it’s the second hottest since the records started in 1872,” said Lauren Nash, meteorologist with the National Weather Service.

The average temperature from July 1-30 this year was 81.5 degrees, beating July of 1999, the hottest month record-holder, by a tenth of a degree, according to the New York Times. But then, on July 31, the weather dropped to an easy, breezy 76, bringing the average down to 81.3 degrees, one tenth of a degree shy of the 1999 record. So, we missed snagging the heat record by a smidge — chock it up to the recession or something.

Damn, y’all. All that sticky sweat and sky-high electricity bill for nothing! Here’s hoping August is the epitome of lounging in the park weather.