Kanye West Will Spend Your Annual Income In A Week And Terrorize Your Child Via Twitter


Kanye West joined Twitter last week. Elaborate Web Shenanigans ensued. Here are our favorites.

1. Kanye West is Following Another Human Being On Twitter
The most recent victim of Kanye West’s social-media rampage is none other than….Steven Holmes. Who is this dude? Surprisingly, not an executive from Facebook, Twitter, or Rolling Stone. He’s just a random, cheeky Brit from Coventry, England, who happened to inquire, “do you clean them with colgate or polish?” in response to Kanye’s tweet regarding some newly encrusted “Diamond Teeth.” Then Kanye decided to follow him. Naturally, being the “chosen one” of Kanye’s 407,533 followers has caused Holmes some unwanted attention. According to a lovely Guardian article titled, “How Kanye West Gave One Fan Twitter Anxiety“:

He noted, “I feel pressure to say amusing and witty tweets now,” although maintains an endearing fondness for Lily Allen and Irn Bru, despite his unexpected celebrity hijacking. “Tweet strong young man, tweet strong,” was Kanye’s sage advice.

Mr. Holmes has stated to his newly acquired 3,000+ followers that he will no longer be speaking to press or journalists. C’mon Twitter, just make an exception and let Kanye follow himself, thus preventing more civilian casualties.

2. Kanye West Should Apply for the New Yorker‘s Cartoon Internship
As the A.V. Club discovered, a new trend has arisen: “#kanyenewyorkertweets, combining the classic aloofness of New Yorker cartoons with the insane megalomania of West’s tweets.” These must be presented without comment.

3. Kanye West Spent $87,451.55 This Week, Says Twitter

So NY Mag calculated the price of all the absurdities Kanye purchased/announced on Twitter since creating his account. This includes a fur pillow ($240), lunch with Jay-Z at Nello ($200), Persian Rug With Cherub Imagery ($5,000/doesn’t exist), and (personal favorite) Lanvin high-tops ($1,195). He oughta buy Steven Holmes something nice.