Barb N. asks: I know you’ve probably heard this one a thousand times before, but what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Dear Barb: I never get tired of answering that question, but the answer is usually the same.
It’s not the bull penis I ate in a Chinese place on College Point Boulevard in Flushing, which was flayed like a party streamer and flung into a stew. Really, apart from a gelatinous consistency and an otherworldly chewiness, it didn’t really taste like much of anything.
Nor was it the spit-roasted guinea pig I consumed in the Northern Highlands of Ecuador, or the deep-fried one I downed in Sunset Park, either. Both, rather gruesomely, had had their entrails pulled out through the rear, giving the creature the appearance of having a large, gaping asshole. But the meat was wholesome and tasty, and pulled easily away from the flanks in strings.
It wasn’t the insects I ate in an Isaan restaurant in Elmhurst, which were dead ringers for our own water bugs, though you can imagine my trepidation seeing them floating in a lemongrass-scented soup as if they’d drowned there.
It also wasn’t the dog penis I ate in Queens’ Murray Hill, either, at a place where men go to eat the gastronomic equivalent of Viagara. I had no idea what it was, since the menu called it “goat special part,” until I brought a Korean friend with me, who burst out laughing when she translated the description. And then PETA was upon me, like stink on a monkey.
No, you may laugh, but the weirdest thing I’ve ever eaten is a Big Mac. With the disturbingly rancid odor of its long-frozen meat patties, and its puss-like yellow dressing composed of who-knows-what vile substances oozing at the edges, the Big Mac is certainly the weirdest and most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten, and no Third World dish can compare with its decadent, hyper-caloric awfulness.
Hope that answers your question, Barb.