How to Know Your Friend With a Facebook Pet Profile Needs Therapy

Facebook is taking “crazy cat lady” to a whole new level. You’ve seen them before, clogging up your news feed like cat hair in a bathroom sink (likely with pictures of cats in sinks). This phenomenon in which people create Facebook profiles for their pets is getting totally out of hand, as this recent report from CNN shows. Some pet profiling is harmless, but others take it too far. Here are some troublesome signs to watch out for.

1. Pet seems depressed
People can project their feelings onto their pets. For instance, a friend of ours changes her pup’s collar depending on her mood. If Fluffy’s status starts to say things like “my water bowl is half empty” or “leash? noose? same difference…” you might want to call a hot line.

2. Pet starts making social transactions in lieu of owner
Having a pet virtually “lick” someone for play on Facebook is one thing. Having your pet dump someone for you on Facebook is entirely another.

3. Pet starts over-sharing on owner
It’s not “funny” or “cute” for your pet to share a Wall Photo of you vomming in the bathroom after a night out or to update everyone on your sex life.

4. Owner has no Facebook page of his/her own
This is just weird. If your pet can network online, so should you.

5. Owner begins to cross-apply profiles
If your friend does have his or her (her?) own profile, make sure she’s not mistaking one for the other. This denotes serious mental illusion.

In all seriousness though, if you can refrain from having a pet profile at all, please do. Your medical expenses (or lack thereof) will thank you.