So Weezer’s next album is named Hurley, and that’s the cover: an unadorned photo of Hurley’s face. Even if you consider this a terrible idea, you must admit it doesn’t crack the Weezer’s top 25 worst ideas of the past five years; in fact, the idea of records inspired by Lost characters has potential. Here, some practical suggestions.
Rick Ross, Locke/Man in Black. Steals others’ identities. Old job was pretty embarrassing. Useless on Australian safari.
Dave Navarro, Jack. Dude no one gives a crap about your tattoos.
Fleetwood Mac, Kate. Enough with the love-triangle shit.
Charles Hamilton, Walt. Boy, he just dropped off the planet all of a sudden, huh.
Amy Winehouse, Ana Lucia. Promising arc cut short by legal woes.
Big Boi, Sawyer. Endless fount of amusing nicknames.
Nas & Kelis, Jin & Sun. Sweeping romance concluded in profoundly unsatisfying way.
M.I.A., Sayid. Yeah, you wish, M.I.A.
Notorious B.I.G., Mr. Eko. Gone too soon.
The Pussycat Dolls, Nikki & Paolo. Not soon enough.
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