Goldman Sachs Thinks You Should Invest In Jeggings Futures. Yes, Jeggings.


Jeggings: Jeans + Leggings. Having never been in a pair, this blogger can not speak with authority on the sturdiness of “jeggings,” but our reports from the field tell us these so-called “jeggings” are “A Thing.” Our reports have been verified by the fact that the Super Moneybrains of Goldman Sachs have crunched the numbers on “jeggings” and tell us that they’re going to be a real moneymaker this season. Business Insider gets the highlight from a summary (via Benzinga) of Goldman’s latest Invest Into This Thing For Money report:

Driven by persistent hot temperatures, sales of classic B2S long denim have been weak. If the weather doesn’t start to cool down, analysts expect that inventory could begin to build and pressure margins.

We were very encouraged by traffic trends at ANF and continue to believe stabilizing the domestic business will unlock greater value from international growth. We also remain positive on LULU which has substantial comp-store and footage growth potential and should be much less vulnerable to weather and competitive pressures this fall.

Yes, that’s ANF, or the stock symbol for Abercrombie & Fitch, the choice clothing retailer of Fratty Young Republican Date Rapists In The Making everywhere, and they’re now selling “jeggings.” Whatever happened to “hot pants,” huh? Tragically, the report didn’t do much to The ‘Crombie’s stock today, but again, weather goes down, “jeggings” go up, BOOM, you’re in the skin-tight fake-denim money.

I have nothing invested in this item other than the fact that I want everyone to keep saying “jeggings,” which is as silly a word as they come.