I Need 3,000 More Facebook Friends


More than that, actually!

And not because I want to feel popular, either.

See, ever since I joined FB, I’ve been spending half my day sorting through all those friending emails and dealing with the “confirm/ignore” dilemma for each one.

It’s something to do, but still, it’s getting a little tedious and it’s taking away from all my other urgent activities like watering my Chia Pet and sanding my ceilings.

I can’t bear the tiresome act of rummaging through all these ludicrous cries for help anymore!

I’m absolutely living for the moment when I hit the maximum of 5,000 “friends,” and then I can simply ignore every request after that (or hopefully, they’ll just bounce back to the sender, complete with a smiley face).

So please friend me! I need about 3,145 people to do so today, and then I’ll finally be free!

Doesn’t life get easier once you’ve hit the maximum number of friends?

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting the Village Voice and our advertisers.