Paul Reubens, a/k/a Pee-wee Herman, Is a Righty, Thus Didn’t Masturbate in Public


Paul Reubens, the Pee-Wee Herman actor demonized by two sex charges, is now offering up proof that his infamous public onanism, all the way back in 1991, is entirely untrue. And he has proof, because he is right-handed. That’s merely the most salacious bit in the September issue of Playboy, where Reubens unloads on his entire career, including his child porn charges (later downgraded to obscenity) and his actual love for children. “His guts needed spilling,” said reporter Bill Zehme. Now they’re all over our hands.

How could Reubens possible have proof that refutes a charge from 1991? It’s not a blue dress; it’s science:

PLAYBOY: You maintained you were innocent of the charge that you were masturbating in public in an adult theater.

REUBENS: Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters & Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation, the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her nondominant hand. I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn’t have been me.

He just couldn’t handle the pressure of going to court, he explains. But he speaks of the events angrily, still scarred:

Keep in mind I got arrested at the same time the serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer’s story was breaking — and yet my story led the news for five days in a row. This man killed lots of people, drilled holes in their heads, and poured acid into them. And he got the second spot on the news, after me.

Though it did prepare him for scandal number two, 10 years later, when a false tip indicated that he possessed child porn. “The state eventually realized I had nothing offensive, but the city attorney decided to put me through three years of hell anyway,” says Reubens. So what did they find?

The case centered on your collection of what was described as kitsch art — only some of it vaguely sexual in theme — plus a copy of the Rob Lowe sex tape.

Take one painting, for instance: “It’s of a football stadium. In the foreground, the football players are out on the field in mid-play, but they don’t have pants on.”

This poor, poor man. Through it all, though, he comes across swell in this extensive interview, which does in fact touch on more than how he likes to use his penis. Give the guy a chance. And then maybe go see him on Broadway?

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