Bond Trader Sued for Forcible Tangoing, Boob-Stomping


Here’s a quick tutorial on how to get sued, as evidenced by a recent educational tale from the New York Post:

1) Be a bond trader. Preferably, the “big shot” kind, like, say, Marcus Bolton, 45, head of the U.S. division of Tullett Prebon.

2) Grab a 27-year-old woman from the office (preferably a “clerk,” “secretary,” or “little lady” of some sort — perhaps even “administrative clerk Jessica Franqui”) and haul her out onto the trading floor one evening after markets close.

3) Bonus points if a) She’s from Staten Island and b) She’s the only woman in the joint.

4) Be drunk. Be married with children. Be you.

5) Force gal into a tango. Everyone loves a tango!

6) When she tries to free herself (everyone does not love a tango?), drop her onto her back, and then step “directly and heavily” onto her “right breast.”

7) When she complains, blame it on her boobs. For example: “It’s all right. They [your breasts] are big, and you probably didn’t even feel it.”

8) When she sues you for $20 million, take solace in the photo that the Post chooses to run of her, with the caption “Humiliated by tango.” Lay low, and learn a new dance.

Right, okay, seriously. This happened.