Hey, single ladies! (And single men, too, but mostly ladies, because there are just more of you looking off longingly into the distance and thinking about your once-and-future-but-probably-never mate.) You’re in good company! According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 96 million Americans have no one to go home to at night except their cats — or no one they’re married to, anyway. People who are married to their cats, please refrain from comment.
A full 43 percent of people over 18 are single, and more than 31 million of them live alone. Which means finding someone to shack up with for the night should be pretty easy, right?
These numbers include not only never-marrieds but also divorcees and widowers. Still, a full 61 percent of people have never seen fit to do the deed in a church or shark tank or wherever people are getting hitched these days.
This brings up an interesting point. Is marriage becoming culturally outmoded? And, as always when these sorts of reports come out, we’re forced to wonder why heterosexual Americans are given the freedom to choose to ignore or deny “the institution” as they see fit while gay Americans fight for the right to be able to say, “Who the hell cares about getting married?”
As for the especial plight of the single lady,
More than half of the unmarried Americans are women. And for every 100 single women, there are 88 unmarried men available.
Which means, if you manage to snag one of those fellows, you better hang onto him for dear life and stab any bitch who gets too close to your man! Or, just go for a married guy. Kidding!