Breaking Revolutions in Science: Beer Goggles, Explained!


You know when you’ve had two or five gin and tonics, and that creepy guy next to you at the bar suddenly becomes funny and attractive, and then, before you know it, you’re giving him your number? No? Well, that phenomenon is called “beer goggles,” and it’s now been explained by Science.

In a study published in the fun-sounding scientific journal Alcohol, college students in a bar were breathalyzed, then shown a series of asymmetrical and symmetrical faces.

The sober students — which, yes, they managed to find sober students in a college bar — classified the symmetrical faces as more attractive, and were better at identifying symmetry overall.

The drunkards didn’t really give a shit — they were just lonely, and likely wanted to get some “strange.” Also, women were worse at detecting symmetry/attractiveness when drunk than men, which leaves room for a separate study about the margin between men’s self-esteem earned and men’s self-esteem inadvertently earned through three-sheeted, standard-lowering women.

Now that beer goggles have been scientifically explained, it opens up a whole world of possibilities. Like, when a bouncer looks at your I.D., he could also have a “symmetry scanner,” and the asymmetrical, like the underage, won’t be allowed in. Symmetry scanners could be sold in stores, like pepper spray or mace, to keep us on guard against those who have the audacity to be asymmetrical around us when we’re drunk.

A girl can dream!