Who hasn’t lied, at least once, probably more than once, in order to play hooky from work (or school)? If you haven’t, we suggest you do, as it’s an important part of growing up. But whatever lie you choose (“I’m sick,” is tried-and-true, or maybe “Waiting for the exterminator to rid me of my bed bug infestation”), make sure not to disprove it by your own actions the same day. Oh, and don’t lie about something that you really don’t want to happen, like your cat dying or you having cancer. Bad karma.
Also bad: Saying your mom died so you can take three days off work and on one of them, enjoying a fun-filled bowling night with Mom, who’s clearly still alive, and your local league.
Via the New York Post, Dawn Singletary, a school aide at P.S.55, “submitted a pamphlet announcing her mom’s funeral at a fake South Carolina cemetery — and then maintained the ruse by accepting a $150 gift that was collected by concerned staffers.” That is dedication to a lie, there. Unfortunately, she misspelled cemetery and named a funeral home that didn’t exist, which shows a certain lack of follow-through. (Google is your friend!)
Eventually, Singletary fessed up and was fired, uttering the surprisingly self-aware statement: “There’s nothing to defend because what I did was my fault. The only person that got bit in the butt was me.”
But she has company, because at least a dozen city school workers were fired in the last year for faking excuses for “sick” or “bereavement” days; pathetic attempts at best, including crossing out the name on a doctor’s note and writing their own in and leaving a blank doctor’s note at the copy machine.
People! We don’t know what’s worse: the act of lying, or the fact that you’re so outrageously bad at it. Sounds like someone needs a vacation and a rewatching of hooky-classic Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
[via New York Post]