Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren Officially Divorced, “Sad”


Divorce is in the air, people. Maybe it’s August. Can a slow news month kill a marriage? Well, certainly not in the case of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, where the “killing” got started long before August — cumulating nine months ago, in fact, with that glorious tragedy of a car crash/golf club incident. The erstwhile couple’s divorce is final today — heads up to once-and-future Tiger mistresses and MILF suitors. Per their joint announcement:

We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us. Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern.

Which means, in so many words: Leave us alone, until we want you not to, in which case we’ll be sure to announce something to that effect!

Parents get shared custody, but we bet the kids aren’t going to have to lug around suitcases or anything. Unless they are very nice suitcases. (Details are sealed, but Nordegren was likely to get $100 million.)

Congrats, guys.

Also divorcing: Cheryl Hines and Paul Young. Bringing up that old question: Is divorce contagious? Yes — if you are famous. In which case it’s not contagious so much as what people do. But at least we can then write about you during a slow news month for the entertainment of all of us average folk. Keep it dramatic, please!