Today, in sports news, New England tries to fire up their rivalries with our city. Tom Brady’s least-favorite HBO show is apparently not Hung and Johnny Damon may end up resuming a legacy as something New York City doesn’t have to have nuanced feelings for and yet again allows us to view him as something we can simply be annoyed with and pity Boston fans for.
Tom Brady, via CBS2, on HBO’s New York Jets-starring Hard Knocks:
“I hate the Jets, so I refuse to support that show.“
“I’d love to say a lot of mean things, but I’d rather not do that, either.“
Since when does “hating” a team not constitute something “mean”? Brady did not go on to mention his inability to watch Hung because he has a tiny penis, neither of which we can factually verify, but both of which we can factually fabricate. Also, that’s okay, we (meaning “everyone in America who isn’t a Patriots fan”) hate you too. And, often, the Jets. We’re difficult to please.
Meanwhile, Johnny “Caveman” Damon came to the New York Yankees, and won a championship, after winning a championship with the Boston Red Sox, who he’s now being claimed by on waivers after a season with the Detroit Tigers, because Boston’s fan base is always soothed by the acquisition of sexually-confused 12 year-old girl-like throwers, and also, because Jonathan Papelbon needs someone to teach him how to be a bigger dumbass than he already is, Bull Durham style. Unless the Tigers and/or Damon decide he wants to stay put, which they can do. Whatever. It’s Johnny Damon. Call us when you figure out how to get Matsui back here.
Meanwhile, Congratulations Boston. You still have Tom Brady and you’re trying to get Johnny Damon back. Enjoy that.