Imagine you’re a scientist. You’re wracking your brain trying to come up something that will have the world in your grips when you unearth the truth behind the mysteries of…genital piercings? Yes! That’s it! Soon you are inundated with grants and TV and radio and autograph requests, and those days of being an impoverished PhD student are but a memory. Such fame must be on the near horizon for the researchers at Texas Tech who found that the typical dude with a penis piercing is “31, white, heterosexual, college-educated, and earns more than $36,000 a year.”
Okay, we have to give props for the diligence of this study. (See possibly NSFW, depending on where you work, illustrations of the sheer variety of genital piercings that a man may acquire). Noting a clear dearth of info about the medical needs of pierced men, the researchers clearly got down and dirty, studying 445 men from 42 states and 26 international sites who reported 656 genital piercings. We appreciate that.
Guess what? Dudes with piercings aren’t weird at all! In fact, they’re normal, even humdrum! (In so much as anyone is normal. Or maybe being “normal, even humdrum” is what makes you go out and get your wang pierced.)
“If you look at the data, these men are not much different from the general population,” said Alden Roberts, a professor in Texas Tech’s Department of Sociology, Anthropology and Social Work.
• 89 percent of respondents identified themselves as Caucasian.
• 41 percent were married, and another 20 percent living with a significant other
• 56 percent reported a salary of more than $45,000 a year
• 28 percent identified themselves as having strong religious faith
• 82 percent identified themselves as heterosexual
• 87 percent said they didn’t use drugs
• 74 percent said they had at least some college, and 20 percent had a graduate or doctoral degree
Let this be a lesson to us all: Never judge a man by his Prince Albert.