“People who spend all day in front of an ATM. Read. Push. Insert. Collect. It’s not brain surgery, sweetheart.
“People who proudly proclaim their ‘pro-life’ position except in cases of war, capital punishment, and after a child has actually left the womb.
“Having your promiscuous paranoid schizophrenic second cousin who has slept with Belgium channel the Holy Ghost by phone to inform you of the need to repent of your rampant homosexual tendencies in order to avoid the inconvenience of eternal damnation.
“Attending class reunions to be reunited with people you didn’t like the first time around.
“Being frequently ‘French kissed’ by gregarious great Aunt Aggie during her peak Herpes Simplex II outbreak. It’s the gift that just keeps on giving.
“Dating someone whose pubic hair is the size of Forest Hills.”
These are from the funny new book My Brother Married My Sister. Where Do I Sit? by Karl B. Daniel and Bradley J. Provines.