Apple to Announce New and Improved Version of Now-Outdated Thing You Just Purchased on September 1


Does Apple really have to throw themselves a whole big event party thing every time they roll out a product? It’s not that they aren’t informative — they are — it’s more that they feel like a company who just sold you a $500 piece of electronics which now makes you more available to people you’ve never wanted to be less available to, announcing that the thing you just purchased now sucks, and that your friend who held out is gonna get the cooler version, or at the very least, get the one you purchased a few months ago for $300 cheaper.

The answer, obviously, is yes, and they’re doing it again on September 1. For what?

Via Gizmodo, maybe some kind of new version of the Apple TV they’re now gonna call the iTV and some new iPods and other things that aren’t really impressive unless it blogs about the “Ground Zero Mosque” for me:

Some possible announcements?

• New, Facetime-ready iPod Touches?

• The long-awaited cloud-enhanced iTunes?

• A 1.7″ touch-screen iPod Shuffle?

• The long-rumored $99 Apple TV?

• 99 cent TV-show rentals through Apple TV?

The Apple-sound-hole-guitar suggests that Apple’s music making products might get updates — perhaps new versions of Logic and Garage Band? I certainly wouldn’t mind if they were overhauled to take advantage of the Magic Trackpad’s multi-touch goodness. Or how about Garage Band for the iPad?

Wow, super exciting. If you’re a nerd. Or if you still don’t own an iPod. Or if you’re the kind of lame Apple fanboy who’d shell out $400 for a Steve Jobs-dropping with a clickwheel (potential name: iTurd). Really, they just shouldn’t make any more announcements, because it’s irritating, because, that’s why. At least until they release something that allows me to smoke freebase crystallized Twitter feeds.