Glenn Beck Gets Blazed: The (Attempted) Ten Most Half-Baked Stories on The Blaze


Fox News’ moneymaking psycho-shoutcreature Glenn Beck just launched a new website, called “The Blaze.” Besides the fact that the marijuana allusion here is so within reach (point: the only thing that can make you dumber than hitting a bong all day is reading Glenn Beck’s new site, etc, etc), just how bad is it?

What does this even mean?

The first big story on The Blaze — the purpose of which is still unclear even after reading 700 words at Talking Points Memo on it — assaults both poetry and foreigners, both of which are presumably assaults on the sensibilities of Beck’s audience: people too patently stupid to understand the inherent value in poetry and people too ignorant to realize why the illegal immigrant “problem” isn’t one that can be solved in the same manner Sarah Palin hunts moose: from a helicopter with big guns. Anyway, it’s apparently going to be like The Huffington Post for sociopaths, which, I mean, like we needed another. But here, we promised to a list. Nine more of this ridiculousness:

9. GLENN’S DISGRACE? SHOCKING RACISM AT AL SHARPTON’S MLK ANNIVERSARY: This one just alternates between video clips of Beck’s rally telling America to come together for Jesus and to buy his books, and Al Sharpton’s rally where young black speakers delivering a speech about how America is still, 37 years after Martin Luther King Jr.’s historic D.C. address, guilty of racism. They’re not wrong. The irony is that Beck’s audience is full of racists, Sharpton isn’t, but whatever, we’re obviously far past the point of irony here.

8. HOAs ‘Tread’ on Patriotic Symbols. Apparently, now, even homeowners associations — who’ve been oppressed the color of the gate to your backyard for years — are assaulting Essential American Freedoms because they don’t want you to put a giant OPERATION: CRYING EAGLE flag on your garage.

Sorry, I mean, I can’t read this anymore. Can we skip to the bottom? Here:

1. A MESSAGE FROM GLENN: “If you are like me, watching the news or reading the paper can be an exercise in exasperation. It’s so hard to find a place that helps me make sense of the world I see.” Which is why we all miss Lambchops. And don’t need this.