Kim Jong-il and Respective Homies Having “Baller Status” Targeted by U.S. Sanctions


Kim Jong-il does not, by any New York City standard at least, put the “Ill” in “il.” In other words, he as an unhip a dictator as they come. Even Iran’s pretty evil Mahmoud Ahmadinejad looks like he could get “into the clurrb” in comparison. North Korean dictatorships? Kinda lacking in the “cool” department. And now, America is putting sanctions on what little of their U.S. imported “baller status” they have left.

Via the New York Times this morning:

Under a new executive order, the United States will try to choke off the flow of luxury goods into North Korea, which officials say Mr. Kim uses to buy the loyalty of the political elite, as well as the sale of conventional weapons by the North. The Treasury Department also designated entities suspected of trafficking in nuclear technology, using existing authority.

Most of these “luxury goods” include liquor, cars, and apparently, Italian Sailboats, and they’re tied to a shadowy organization called Office 39, which actually sounds like the name of a bad startup. Either way, if all it takes to get North Korea to stop with the nuclear nonsense is to threaten to make them feel less like rappers, can’t we just send P. Diddy over there with a bunch of cheesecake on a diplomatic mission and then, when they decide to keep him, Bill Clinton back over to get him back? Sound ideas that will never be heard.

In the mean time, for the record, tarrifs on American-made “baller status” have yet to emerge, though if they did, you wouldn’t know about it, because the only people who are really screaming about being taxed in a broke economy are tea partiers who can’t do math, and also, only care about things that effect them, and as white racists, they have no idea what I’m talking about when I say “baller status.” So maybe we should just name every tax something out of the Urban Dictionary, which would significantly reduce the impact of tea partiers, though we’d certainly hear more from North Korea about it, because they apparently understand this otherwise American concept of “stunting.” Anyway, Tuesday morning policy ideas. We have them. It’s at least better than the Sliced Bagel Tax.

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