Suck on This: Medical Marijuana Lollipops


KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN,” warns the label.

When my friend Melanie came back from the Bay Area last week, she was very enthusiastic about California’s medical marijuana program. I told her it sounded good to me, but I was really in excellent health and couldn’t imagine how I’d get a prescription.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” she said, “nearly everyone has one. Just say you have a backache, any doctor will give you a scrip if you pay for the physical.”

She was waving a lollipop in the air shaped like a four-leaf clover. “What’s that?” I asked dumbly. She held it closer so I could get a good look. It was a cannabis sucker, swaddled in plastic like a pharmaceutical, the label a strange mixture of pop-psychedelic come-on and TV-drug-commercial warning.

“It’s weird to package dope as candy,” I complained. “Do you really need a sugar inducement for a THC high? It’s like we’re kids and they’re trying to lure us with candy.”

“That’s not the only way,” she said. “When I got there, my friend — who suffers from headaches — gave me some raspberry crumble. They sell it at the marijuana outlets. You can get all sorts of baked goods with cannabis in them.”

“How strong is the dose?” I wondered.

“That’s it — you have to be careful not to pig out. The crumble is so good, you want to eat a lot of it. But you’ll just get too high and go to sleep,” she noted sadly.

I pedaled home on my bike, thoughts of crumbles and lollipops swimming in my skull. Remembering that New Jersey had passed a medical marijuana bill this past January, I wondered if I’d be jumping on the PATH train to Hoboken sometime soon, for the purpose of visiting the “candy” store.

Reads like a regular lollipop ingredients list — till you get to the end.