My Least Favorite Announcement on Earth


“Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Please be patient.”

First of all, as the announcement comes on, the train usually starts moving again. By time the announcement is finished, you’re generally home.

And on the rare occasions when that doesn’t happen, I can brilliantly figure out for myself that we’re stalled for a second.

I went to school, after all, and am amazing at deducing what’s going around me — like when a train has stopped or even when it’s moving again.

I have incredible intuitive skills that enable me to suss out what’s happening and process it without being harassed over a speaker system.

I hate the way people have to be coddled through every freakin’ situation!

Just shut the fuck up and leave me in silence so I can continue reading my book about ZaSu Pitts!

Not that I ever ride the subway, mind you.