Music

Best/Worst Heavy Metal Hair Ever!

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It belonged to Whitesnake!

I have no idea who they are or why they ruled — I assume the ’80s had a lot to do with it — but there’s no question that these guys had the most luscious hair in music history, and that includes the Spice Girls, Taylor Swift, and even Mr. Michael Jackson.

It’s just so full and rich and lustrous, like a Breck commercial, but with penises.

Their metal may be heavy, but Whitesnake’s hair is famous for being as light as a feather and simply stunning, darling — like that of the five finalists in a beauty contest, complete with the requisite fringed outfits and taunting cleavage.

Alas, I just checked their current website and the main, up-to-date photo shows one band member with a bandanna and another sporting a big, floppy, forgiving hat.

Will there be a name change to Bald Eagle?

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